You were born with extraordinary gifts uniquely yours to harness, cultivate, and share with the world.
As a baby and toddler, and even into your adolescence, these talents were displayed raw and unrefined.
As you grew older, though, you probably encountered events that caused you to lose sight of some, or all, of your natural capabilities. These events led to your taking on an adjusted identity, moving you away from who you truly are.
Examples of such life-altering events include:
- Being chastised for acting “inappropriately.”
- Being physically punished for displaying aspects of yourself that ran counter to someone else’s beliefs or tastes.
- Trying out for something (the football team, the high school play) and getting rejected.
- Asking someone out and being told no.
- Having a room full of students cruelly laugh at you for something you did.
- Being discouraged by friends or family from pursuing your dreams.
- Enduring emotional or physical abuse.
No matter what age you were when the events that affected you happened, you were quick to recognize that behavior X resulted in pain Y. This was all it took for you to bury that particular way of being under piles of emotional baggage.
Physical and emotional anguish subsides over time. The real tragedy is when you never fully reclaim the part of your personality lost during such incidents. An integral part of who you are is banished to the nether regions, never to be seen or heard from again by anyone, including you.
That may sound dramatic, but it’s one of the realities of life. You do something that’s natural to who you are, and if you’re slapped down for it, you react. Too often, what gives way is your willingness to expose yourself again to the emotional or physical discomfort you experienced.
Each time you relinquish a piece of your core identity, you move farther away from attaining “The Pinnacle.”
I call this process of descent The Downward Slide.
Traumatic events aren’t the only factor. Another contributor is performing what you perceive as your duty. Whether you had a paper route, shoveled snow, or worked for your family’s business, you did what you believed was required of you.
It may be that what began as a way to bring in some extra money became a straight line to a career path—even if it was work for which you had no genuine interest.
Or it could be that you accumulated so much debt from your school days that you took whatever job you could find after graduation.
It could also be that you turned your life upside down to accommodate your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse.
Your good intentions for doing what was “right,” “necessary,” or expected of you became the grease on which you began your slide away from pursuing your true talents and passions—and from The Pinnacle.
Once you step into this whirlwind, it’s very difficult to reestablish your footing. Here’s a typical scenario:
1) You go away to attend college.
2) Upon your return you want to have your own place because that’s what college grads do.
3) You take on a job, any job, so that you can afford your own place.
4) Bills start to pile up—school loans, utilities, cars, insurance, rent, furniture—not to mention the expenses of actually living life such as food, hobbies, and dating.
5) You finally make a bit of money and you’re feeling pretty good so you buy a nicer car, move to a nicer place, wear better clothes, date higher-maintenance people.
6) Now that you have these nicer things, you must continue to work hard to pay for all of it.
7) You get married. You have kids.
8) You now have more mouths to feed and more responsibility on your shoulders.
9) You now have to work harder than ever just to cover your expenses. This might mean working overtime, or taking on a second job.
10) The more and more you look at yourself in the mirror, the less and less you recognize who you are.
The chances are the job you started in Step #3 had nothing to do with fulfilling your deepest desires or pursuing happiness. It was simply the most convenient route at the time for making money, with the goal of eventually becoming self-supporting and putting yourself in position to pursue your dreams.
The fantasy is wonderful; but the reality is often more of a nightmare. After submitting to that first soul-deadening job, the downward slide away from The Pinnacle increasingly picks up steam.
While everyone has to pay the bills, too few of us end up in professions even remotely resembling our dream jobs.
Family and monetary obligations can run deep, and it’s certainly possible to feel you had no choice but to do what was required of you or to maintain the lifestyle you created. That said, you must own the fact that from this point forward, you are making a conscious choice to continue living this way.
You can’t blame others for the life you’ve picked. If you’re working in a dead-end job, it’s because you choose to be there. If you’re with someone you know is wrong for you, you’re not making the effort to leave and find someone who’s right. If you wake up miserable every day because of an event that occurred 30 years ago, you’re making a decision to allow what happened in the past control the quality of your life today.
You must begin to fight tooth and nail to reclaim your life, and to pursue what’s most important to you.
The first step may be as simple as giving yourself the time and permission to sit in a quiet place and start trying to identify your Pinnacle.
Some people need to hit rock bottom before realizing their ass has been slowly burning from their continuous downward slide. Don’t let that be you.
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